Today had another moment where I just sat and thought in my field of berries. Things are growing bigger and a few things have died because of lack of water. I feel like Loretta Lynn right now when I think of the movie about her. My life is running me and I'm not running my own life right now. The days are running together and I don't even know what day of the week it is. I haven't wore makeup in so long that it's probably dried up in the bottle.
I feel so overwhelmed that my husband is gone. As I sat there, I remember giving a speech recently about "could I do this operation" but REALLY THE QUESTION IS "can I still do without Mark". He was my biggest cheerleader and ask me for things to do everyday. Now, I just make out a list for me and its lonely doing all those things by myself.
I have sat a new goal for myself next week and that's learning how to run that tractor if it kills me. I learned how to put on the tiller, plow and bush hog but failed to get directions on running the machinery. I think I'll feel better when I master that skill.
Later on I'll post some pictures of my trip to St. Louis. I know you'll love seeing them as well.
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